He was friendly, easy to talk to, and had a way with words. He was also the first guy since my husband and I decided to open our relationship that caught my attention in more than a DTF kind of way. This made me nervous. You see, I’d been with my husband for about seven years total before we decided to experiment and have some fun with people outside of our marriage. It’s a tricky take off and landing; deciding to embark on an adventure like this with your beloved. If you dive in too quickly without establishing a solid and clear agreement, things can get pretty damned complicated.
Keegan was far from a complication, though. The excitement I felt whenever I received a new message from him was electrifying.
It all started when my husband and I decided we wanted to open doors to a different type of friendship with other queer men. Together, separate, we wanted to be open and honest about what our desires were, and what acting on those desires looked like. After making lists, reading books, and reflecting on past experiences, we decided to make separate profiles so we could start to chat with the locals and feed our curiosity.
There was something deliciously sexy about doing this with my husband and partner of seven years. Embarking on this adventure was risky, but we felt confident enough in our relationship, and as a unit, to take the dive and explore. We both joined an online dating app separately with the intention of chatting with people and seeing who we connected with. Being totally open and honest, the prospects knew we had spouses and that we were looking to play together. Depending on how well we got to know the individuals, solo dates and action could be a possibility.
We kept things black and white, and easy to follow for prospects and new friends we met online. Even though we were married and had each other, we wanted to treat every person we met like a human being; not a piece of meat. Keegan and I chatted via the app service for a good amount of time before we decided to trade numbers and continue talking outside of the app. We would chat for days upon days before I invited him over for drinks and to meet my husband.
There was a knock at the door and my heart froze. Being the social being I am, my social skills kicked in immediately after I turned the knob and opened the door. Six pack in hand, he grinned and said hello. He donned a tank top, shorts, and bright Nike sneakers that highlighted his smile just right. The dog was barking frantically at the sight of a new person shaking his dads’ hands and encroaching on his turf. It helped that Keegan was a gamer like my husband. They could talk about all the video game hot topics and nuances, while I looked at them both dreamily as I poured wine and loaded my vape. How could I be so lucky? One guy was my husband, and the other, a new and friendly face. Both equally adorable and dangerously tempting in a nerdy and swagful way. It was moments like these that made you feel like you were actually living.
Our first hangout and getting to know one another went extremely well. We’d made plans to see each other again before he left for the night. My husband and I wanted to be realistic about being open, and we knew that we wouldn’t necessarily be into the same guys all of the time. Keegan was someone we both were into and wanted to learn more about. He had a smile that softened hearts, a sense of humor that teased, and an ass that could make the front of any pair of pants tight. Really tight.
We all agreed to turn up the heat the next time we got together. I was no good at video games, but I’d watch their fingers dance across the console controllers while they sported a jockstrap of their choice. Eventually the games stopped and the three of us sat on the couch, wondering what was next. Before I knew it, Keegan had crawled onto my lap, my husband sitting right next to me. My hands slid further and further down his back until my fingers brushed over his barely there underwear. His kiss was soft, intentional, and one of the best kisses I’d ever experienced. Still sitting on my lap, he leaned over and began to kiss my husband. I’d had group fun in the past, but this was nothing like I’d experienced before. I was in awe taking it all in and made sure to take snapshots in my mind. This wasn’t a moment I wanted any of us to forget.
One flight of stairs and a shot of whiskey later, we continued the kissing upstairs. Watching my husband and our new cakeful gamer friend make out in our bed was sending me on a roller coaster ride like I’d never experienced before. Our movements across the bed were gentle, warm, and erupting with energy. The sunlight was coming through our corner windows just right and bounced off our bodies gleefully. Eventually our movements would sync to the music that played in the background, and we’d laugh and roll around some more. This is an encounter I still think about to this day.
When my husband and I decided to enter our house of mirrors and honor our desires, we were faced with a few doors to choose from. Door number one begged us to go for it; to live, step out of our norm, and explore. Door number two was more of a warning, because we - my husband and I - had each other to lose if we didn’t approach this adventure fully prepared. Door number three was the entrance to the land of “What if.” What if we don’t? What if we do? In the end I was really happy we did.
We remain friendly with Keegan to this day. We’d end up hanging out a couple times after that steamy hangout for drinks and dinner, and attend Pride together. The goal was never to bring in another person into the relationship, but only to have fun and make true friends with benefits, so reckoning with that part was unexpectedly difficult for me. Having a long history of rejection can be a real pain in the ass. A massive bitch, really. There was nothing to read into here. Keegan seemed to be the type to float, and I’d realize later that that was okay. I never judge a person, but thinking back on that experience, I can recognize that a bit of me missed him. I was bordering on starting to really like him, and that was a wake up call being in a freshly opened relationship and marriage. After our steamy encounter, our communication waned. I'd text, wait, and wait some more, but eventually the communication stopped all together. I felt sad, but would find myself smiling at the memory of our encounter.
People enter and leave your life for reasons that we may know or may not know. I learned a great deal about myself getting to know and experience Keegan. I had days where I was annoyed, aggravated, aroused, and giddy over the thought of him. Opening door number one allowed me to grow, allowed my marriage to grow, and opened the door to many other adventures and souls. My husband and I remain stronger than ever and can openly discuss our feelings and experiences. It’s a gift I was never expecting to receive; having a husband like mine. Every once in a while I see Keegan pop up on my social media feeds. I see that sexy and swagful human being, and I smile. I hope he’s doing well. I’ll always be grateful for what was behind door number one.