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Recovery

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A Sobering Pride

My first Pride celebration sober I went in with far too much confidence, and quickly lost it. I was just shy of 7 months clean when I took on one of the biggest alcohol events of the year.

Pride weeks are known for their heavy sale of liquor. Especially events such as the Providence Night Time Parade. Which is held in the evening, on a street lined with bars, and quickly followed by massive block parties. And don’t get me wrong, its fun – it’s REALLY fun. But alcohol and other party substances are EVERYWHERE.

And while most cities have purposefully made their parades early to avoid the heavy drinking, its still a problem no matter where one goes. I grew up outside of Chicago which is (in my opinion) the best parade in the country. But every year people were getting so trashed the city organizers kept moving the time of the parade earlier and earlier. It didn’t matter. Whether drunk at 2 in the afternoon or 10 in the morning, people love to get wasted on Pride day.

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What Sobriety Has Taught Me About Transition

989 days, 32.48 months, 2.7 years ago, I woke up and for the thousandth time promised myself I wouldn’t get drunk today. There was nothing special about this particular day. I had no pressing reason to get sober. I didn’t fear losing anything because I had already lost it all. I was crashing on a dirty red sofa in my best friends, boyfriends sunroom. I had about $30 to my name, a car which thankfully ran, and a rolling cleaners rack to hold my clothes, and I didn’t even have enough clothes to fill the “closet”. My relationship had ended, my job was close to ending as well and my friendships were quickly evaporating. Yet honestly none of this motivated me to quit drinking. I wanted to quit because I was certain that I was just a few days or hours from drinking a poison I’d researched and ending my life. And I was sure that if I kept drinking I would have the courage to follow through with my plans. I had not yet begun my transition.

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